Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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