She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
