if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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