she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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