Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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