I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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