Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
