i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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