she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
