When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
