I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
