omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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