i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
