final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
