watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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