she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
