my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
