I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize