how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
