did you get engaged???
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
