So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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