I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
