At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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