how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
love makes seman taste better
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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