She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
