I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize