so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
