I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
