Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
