I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
