I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
