i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
