Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My dick has a subreddit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
