His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
