Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
