I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
