The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize