Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
