that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
where are my eyebrows?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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