I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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