i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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