On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
