glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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