My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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