I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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