Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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