So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
