if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
