Yo dont text me then not text me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
