I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
