I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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