They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
