Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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