he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
