yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
