i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
