that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
