I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
